I wrote one out on my IPad but never sent it and I put all of my anger and feelings down like I was going to send it. I felt some relief after I did this. We faded 21 months ago and I don't plan on sending it at this point. I am not sure what is the right thing to do. If you send it then you are telling them you agree with them and you are playing by their rules as Blondie said but then I understand what Confused said about cutting ties to an organization you don't want your name attached to. When we faded we told ourselves to take our time and don't do anything on the spur of the moment and that has worked for us so far. If they come after us then that is a different thing and we will make a decision when that time comes which I expect it during Christmas because I am going to put up some outside decorations this year.
Aunt Fancy
JoinedPosts by Aunt Fancy
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38
Did you ever write your disassociation letter?
by make yourself inbut never gave it to the elders or anyone in the congregation?
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130
Involved with a JW woman
by jonza inokay so i'm dating a born-in jw woman, she's younger than me and has no kids.
i'm a christian man whos divorced with 2 kids.
we're in love and seriously want to be together.
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Aunt Fancy
I was not raised as a JW but met my husband who was DF'd when we met. I was raised as a Presbyterian and because of being alone far away from my family, divorced with a young child I was easily loved bombed by his family and friends. Needless to say I encouraged him to go back to meetings and I went with him (huge mistake) and I was in for 30 long years and he was in for 58 years.
After fading now for 21 months with my husband I am not sure what I believe and I would never want anyone to preasure me into going to another church or joing another religion. Whenever I hear people start to talk about what someone should believe it makes me want to scream. Please, please, please do not try to convert her to yours at this point. You want to get her out and then she should do her own research to see where she feels comfortable and if she even wants to be part of a religion which is very common among exjw's to not want anything to do with religion. You need to understand that we have been spiritually abused so many of us do not feel safe turning to religion.
Try to see if you can get her to read Crisis of Consiense and Steven Hassen's books. I was able to get my husband out by getting him to read CoC. Once she realizes that most of their beliefs are false you can go from there. Just another point, when my husband first started reading the book he was so sure that most of the doctrine was correct but the more he read the more he realized it was mostly false. He now will celebrate everything I want to and has no guilt feelings.
Best wishes to you and I hope you can get her out before you take the step of living together or getting married. It sure will make your life together much healthier.
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Ahhh Dagnabbit
by Jon Preston inwell afyer two months i get a message from an elder wanting to go out in service a few nights a week and to hang out more....i must now be labelled in the spiritually weak and reach out to group in my hall.
my hall is very nice and so are the people but dagnabbit i hate small towns.... i wonder if i should say no or just nite the bullet on behalf of our fade...hmm decisions.
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Aunt Fancy
I would not even answer the phone or the door. We faded 21 months ago and we just don't respond to anyone. You will prolong it if you start to go out service. Once we found out the real truth neither of us could go to another meeting or out in service. My husband had a three year bible study that was going to Sunday meetings and he even went to him and took hours to tell him what he taught him was not the truth. He could not turn him over to another person to let them continue with the lies.
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Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father
by Zana inmy wife and i have two wonderful children aged 1 and 3. i was raised as a lutheran but stopped believing in my late teen years.
my wife is what i would call a liberal jw (yes, i believe such people exist .
sooner or later our children will have questions about religion and the differences mom and dad show towards it.
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Aunt Fancy
You were given a lot of great advice. I highly recommend reading Steven Hassen's books. You want to do everything in your power to keep your children from being baptized into the religion. If you ask most JW's who grew up in the religion they will tell you they did not enjoy being a JW and missing out on so many enjoyable things plus getting a good education because education is not important to JW's.
Your wife may be staying because it is her social network. Because she is a liberal JW I am sure is not treated as well as others plus she has an unbelieving mate which adds to that. You may be able to get her out and she will thank you for that someday.
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10 Pragmatic facts why Jehovah's Witnesses can't face reality
by Terry in1.the organization itself denies access to reality and substitutes its own version, interpretations and meanings.. a.only watchtower approved publications are allowed.. b.no higher education is to be pursued.. c.no non-jw friends or associations are encouraged with their "outside" points of view.. d.no free-style questioning of doctrine or criticism permitted.
curiousity is verboten.. e.threat of being "marked" or disassociated looms over them.
2.between every real-world event and the rank and file jw's mind is a roadblock.. a.the moment of identifying is short-circuited by an interpretive moment of re-labeling in watchtower-speak.. b.all things happening are forced into a narrow storyline and propagandized as end times happenings leading to armageddon.. 3.social and personal identity is expunged and replaced by a collective persona: "jehovah's witness".. a.private thinking is red-flagged as selfish and sinful.. b.personal improvement, welfare and ambition is crushed and door-to-door ministry substituted as "worthy" endeavors.. c.self-conscious obsession permeates witness awareness as each person is transformed into a public spectacle of performance for judgement.. d.since you aren't an individual you don't really have a right to fall in love and marry or educate or earn.
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Aunt Fancy
Excellent information. I came in after I married my inactive JW husband and we went to the meetings together and then I got baptized. He noticed I changed once I became a JW but he couldn't put it all together. I was in for 30 years and about a month ago my Mom told me she was happy to see the old Aunt Fancy with the lilt in her step. It has been 21 months since we walked away and I am feeling like my old self more and more each day.
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My Experience and how I finally let myself see the truth
by OneEyedJoe infirst off - for those lurkers who feel guilty just for being on this site and reading this (even if you don't read any further, as it is your right to choose that course) i want you to know that you're not alone in what you're going through or in what you are feeling.
if you read on, i hope my experience may be of some small help to you.. this may be long, but i'll try to organize it in a way that doesn't make it painful to read.
to start, i feel it is most beneficial if i'm upfront and honest with my goals from posting this, which are (in order of the degree to which they motivated me):.
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Aunt Fancy
Welcome Joe, there was a lot of great advice. I was much older when I faded with my husband following me. My take is, your wife deserves to be free. Read Steven Hassen's books so you know how to help her get out. You have a lot of great years ahead of you, I only wish someone had gotten through to me before I gave away 30 years of my life.
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40
Ladies - how often should you wash your hair??
by quellycatface ini've cut my hair washing from every 2 days to every 4 days and this week, i've left it 7 days.
it's been growing much better and is in great condition!
any tips for growing your hair lush and lovely?.
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Aunt Fancy
I use WEN and love it. I have fairly long and thick hair. About three years ago I was losing some hair and switched over to WEN and it changed my hair. I don't have to get it cut as often because it is much healthier now. I wash it every other day unless I am staying home and sometimes I put WEN lavender oil on and leave it in overnight. It takes some getting use to because it does not suds but feels like conditioner.
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What do you do when your job makes you wanna puke your face off?
by Julia Orwell ini'm talking like makes you physically sick and emotionally frazzled just thinking about it.
i'm talking like you hate it to the point you'd rather go without than work at it just for the money.
you'd live on cheap korean packet noodles for the next year instead of exchanging your labor for this job's money.. well, this is how i feel about teaching and tutoring.
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Aunt Fancy
Years ago I had a job that paid well but the owner was a real A hole and was terrible to work for and he had a terrible time keeping employees. I signed a 6 month contact and as soon as the 6 months were up I quit. I was a nervous wreck and I told myself I would never stay in a job that caused me so much stress and took my health from me even if the money is good.
i would try to promote your artwork more and see if you could make ends meet doing something you love. There is a book called "The Slight Edge" by Jeff Olson and it is excellent for helping you gain your self confidence back.
You are still young and it is easier to change your field of work now instead of waiting until you are older. Is there something you can do in your field that would be less stressful. Maybe you could get into something different with just a few credits. I would also consider talking to a career counselor to see what your options are with your current education.
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Any Suggestions on what to say if elders ask why you stopped going in FS?
by BU2B ini was curious what might be some good things to say if i am questioned by the elduurs about my decline in fs.
anything too honest may get me a jc (although that would be for the best in the end..) the co visit is this week so they may be getting more agressive than usual.
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Aunt Fancy
My husband and I just stopped going. We didn't answer the phone when they called for our hours and when they knock on our door we don't answer. We have told them nothing and we won't at this point. We are not going to give them any power over us and by not corresponding with them they have no idea what we feel.
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Your Experience with Resigning as an Elder
by committeechairman ini'm considering resigning as an elder.
i'm not planning to fade or stop as one of jehovah's witnesses, just stop serving as an elder.. i have responsibility in the congregation and in circuit, district, rbc, etc.
and i'm completely exhausted.
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Aunt Fancy
My husband was an elder for many years and he stepped down. He was very involved in the RBC and he had many responsibilities and was always the one the COBE went to and eventually it wore him down. I will never forget the night they announced he was no longer an elder because they should have said he was DF! It was awful the way we were treated at first. He was asked many times to become an elder again and they always said they needed him but he would never do it again. He did not like the things that went on behind closed doors and when he found out the real truth about the WTS then he understood why he felt that way.
Your health and family are more important than being a slave to the WTS. If you are feeling this way you should step down because losing your health is not worth it.
Our experience in this area is that there are very few new elders being appointed so the ones who are in the position now are overworked. Hang in there and do what is right for you and your family, just be prepared to be treated differently.